The Solivagant

When I first mention that I have traveled alone, the response I tend to get is a furrowed brow and a confused “why?” I can see people’s minds racing as the wonder: 

Doesn’t she have friends? 

The truth is, life is chaotic. I wish that the world was simple enough where all the people I call friends at home were in the same financial situation and life stage that I am. But the reality is that life isn’t so perfect. People have jobs, classes, families, and other obligations that keep them rooted. This leaves me with two choices when friends apologetically decline my next trip: stay at home, or go solo. 

I chose to go solo. 

Now I’m a believer in never regretting a choice, because at one point it is exactly what you want. But the choice to travel alone is one of the hardest choices I have made. 

Once you hit the road on your own, your life will never be the same again. 

You’ll experience the highs of traveling: the awe the first time you see the London Bridge, the perfect creamy melt of gelato on your tongue in Italy, the laughter on your lips as you spin of the cobbled dance floors in Spain…

But you will also experience some extreme lows: being lost and unable to read signs, sitting alone at a restaurant every night, getting hurt and having no one in the world know or care, watching groups of friends gather without you…

However, once you realize the vital difference between “alone” and “lonely”, solo travel will change your life and grow you in unimaginable ways. So let’s be wildflowers, scattered by the wind. 

First, you'll get to know yourself more than you had ever hoped.

Growing up in California, I began school at a ridiculously early hour. Lunch time was always at twelve, dinner at six, and soccer practice in the evenings. Time in the United States is a very ridged concept. However, once I traveled solo, I learned how my body time wants to work. Turns out I thrive when I wake up around 8 am. I like slow mornings and fast nights. I like to have two breakfasts in the morning. I like to sleep with fresh air on my face. I tend to smile at strangers who are working, but not on the street. My mind races around midday and goes quiet at nights. 

These little things I would have never learned if I had stayed in other’s time frames. By traveling at my own clock, and testing the waters of other countries, I know my perfect day. I know what I like. 

Which brings us to solo travel benefit #2: You don’t have to compromise. 

I’m the second child, which meant that I often compromised with my older sister who was far better at throwing a tantrum then I ever was. And while compromise is an important life skill, when it comes to finding yourself and spending your money, don’t do it. 

My first time backpacking Europe was an absolute disaster because I kept compromising with the guy I was traveling with over trivial things like where to eat and which museum to go to. Compromise, especially when things go wrong, quickly becomes resentment. When you go solo, theres no one to compromise with. You go to the museums you are interested in, eat when you want to eat, and sleep when you are tired. 

But this also leads to downfall #1 of solo travel: If something goes wrong, its on you to fix it. 

I’ve been incredibly lucky in my travels to be with soccer organizations that take the sting out of things. When traveling with these companies, I worry about nothing. They handle transportation, visas, accommodations, even meals. 

But when I travel alone, Its on me. I’ve shown up at pre-booked hostels that don’t exist. Ive taken the train in the wrong direction for two hours. I’ve gotten lost a million times. And while all of those things can be scary, and all you want is for someone else to take the lead for a minute, you will never feel more accomplished when things go wrong… and you handle it. 

And that turns a downfall into a benefit as you will never become more independent then when you hit the road on your own. 

I know that nothing can stop me from placing my feet anywhere on this planet. I don't doubt myself when I see a picture of a beautiful place and book a ticket to see it. If the timing is right, and my finances are in order, I have the tools in my back pocket to do anything in the world. Nothing feels more powerful than knowing that I can make it on my own. 

But when it comes down to it, you are never truly alone in this world. 

The ultimate trick is to distinguish alone from lonely 

My sister mocks my ability to talk to anyone anywhere. She doesn’t understand why I do it. But what she doesn’t know is that on day four of my first solo trip, I hadn’t spoken to anyone that was not completely necessary. And I was so lonely. 

When you are a kid, you don’t second guess how you make friends. When you are nineteen and five thousand miles from home, you wonder how you’ve ever made a friend before. 

There I was, in Ireland, an english speaking country, and I was absolutely terrified to talk to anyone. It was an irrational fear, but I was held tongue tied. I’m not sure what I was scared of. Maybe of people walking away or laughing at me (which never happened), or of people being mean (which also never happened), but for four days I stayed trapped in my own head. 

One bartender broke that for me when I went to a pub to watch a soccer match. After talking to him, I was pulled into a conversation with other people on the intricacies of the match. It was so easy and light as the laughs, including my own, filled the room. 

It was in that moment where I realized that being alone didn’t mean that I had to be lonely. The two don’t go hand in hand. The world is full of strangers just waiting to be transformed into friends.

After that realization I came to notice that there are moments when I am alone and completely happy. And there are moments when I am surrounded by friends and family where I feel hopelessly lonely. 

My trick now is to discover the root of the loneliness. Do I need to refocus my attention at the world and where I am in it, or do I need to find new people to laugh with? 

Either way, the choice to travel solo changed my life. I now stand confidently alone on my two feet. Anywhere in the world. 

(And my last secret on the beauty of solo travel is this: the memories I make on my own can never be tainted by another’s version. They are my truth. Pure and sweet as honey)

Wander away.